WOOT WOOT All Aboard The Crazy Train

So my life, in a nutshell, is currently taking a nosedive spiral of death. That sounds bad I suppose. Not everything is bad, let me assure you, but I think my perception of a lot of things is skewed. You see, I think I would classify myself as a pessimist. I’m a glass half full, hurry up and run to the sink for a refill, type of girl. At this point in my little self portrait, the sink would run away from me screaming and I would flail behind it. Can you picture it? If I was an artist I would draw a picture, alas, I am not..so use your brains.

It’s been a month since I took over my new position here as the office bitch…errr manager at the complex I work for. A whole month. While my checkbook is rejoicing greatly at the vast improvement over the cobwebs and tumbleweeds that used to blow around in there, my personal life is in upheaval. I have zero time for ANYTHING. I would love to work out and that just ain’t happening. I would have to get up at 5am, and let’s face it, no. My self image is sufficiently lacking. I am not one of those, get stressed and lose 20 lbs girls. Oh no, I get stressed and I become Chris Farley in this skit:

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9YfvBbxE1vU]

I am having a horrible time getting back into the swing of this full time job world. We haven’t even had to utilize after school care yet because the husband has been on days and able to pick them up. I shudder to think of the stress I will face in having to be somewhere at a certain time in the evening since I never know what my afternoons are going to bring these days.

Couple this stress over getting into some sort of routine I have had some medical issues. I apparently have a reoccurring respiratory issue called pleurisy…which is all kinds of fun that requires steroids and painkillers. But I’m a much nicer person on painkillers so people didn’t seem to mind. 🙂 In the span of a week I went from not being on any meds to being on four. I hate taking medicine. Mainly because they all seem to make me feel like crap and I can’t ever remember to take them. Taking medication is something I always forget. I think that may be the reason I have the almost 9 yr old (heh).

I’m sure you can tell from this post that I am frazzled. Tomorrow my mom is leaving for her move to Arizona. Yay! No. While I try not to make a big deal about it, I’m freaking out. FREAKING OUT I SAY! Mostly because the idea of not having anyone to watch my kids is awful. Now I’m going to have a find a sweet teenage babysitter. By the time my kids are done with her she’ll be trying to convince her parents she wants her tubes tied now. And daycare in the summer…that makes my wallet cry buckets of tears. That’s a lot of money I don’t have.

I heard my mom tell some tenant at the complex that I haven’t shown much in the way of emotions and I probably won’t. This is most likely true. However, let me assure you my poor husband gets a boatload of crazy from me daily. Especially as of lately. The other night I flipped out…like that movie Sybil…about something completely dumb. I was in a full out rage. Why? Stress? I’m sure at some point that day someone had set me off and I had bottled that up instead of exploding all over them only to release it all later on the unsuspecting husband.

Patience is not something I have in spades. I’m definitely better then I was 10 years ago. Infinitely so. However, it seems everyone else has gotten worse LOL. Everyone wants something and they want it RIGHT NOW. No waiting. Don’t bother telling them no, it won’t work.  Give them what they or they are not happy. This does not bode well for my psyche. I am in need of some high strength nerve pills or someone may enter my office to find me curled in the fetal position under my desk with a river of tears streaming out from under it. The maintenance men will have to coax me out with chocolate. Or my kids will find that I’ve locked myself in the bathroom after their last fight over who get to sit on the left side of the couch. I will sit upon my tiled bathroom floor and rock myself while contemplating how I can pull off a disappearance into the setting sun. How much money does one need to run away to a deserted island? Only enough to get there right because if it’s deserted I won’t need anything when I reach it. Wonder how I could convince David Boreanaz to come with me….

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HMPJT0NzJIs]

See how my mind works? I can complain and then in the very next thought be thinking about David Boreanaz. It’s a virtual crazy mess in this brain of mine. Perhaps it’s my own version of self soothing. Babies use a pacifier or thumb and I use David LOL. Since I’ve been on the verge of a meltdown for the past month….tears always at the ready…Youtube knew this when I went looking for a video of the movie Falling Down to place in this post about my freaking out. It knew I’m on the edge of a sharp mental drop and it threw in a video of Buffy and Angel for me.

Thank you YouTube, you stopped the crazy train…or at least delayed it a few minutes.

16 Comments

  1. Damn woman, that’s a whole new level of bat-shit-crazy you’ve got going 😉 I’m right there with you babe, side by side, stressing, not working out, making the hubby cry lol… Life is sometimes just too much and when that happens, sometimes it’s a good idea to run out in the middle of the street naked and scream at the top of your lungs. Try that and let me know if it helps 🙂

    Oh and thanks for the Angel/Buffy video… I cried!! Favorite couple of like ALL TIME!!!

    1. I would give all the elderly tenants a heart attack. lol. Wasn’t that Angel video cute…I did a big “awwwwwww” I own the entire show on DVD…and I only have one more season of Angel to buy before thats complete. Then I need to start collecting the Bones seasons….I have a slight thing for David huh?

      Seriously, its a battle daily to stay sane.

  2. Wow, Nikki! I hope things get better for you, both physically and mentally. It’s not easy trying to get in a routine again (because yeah, how many HOURS did I spend vegging in front of the television watching Lifetime movies when I was unemployed and then have to go back to the grindstone? Meh).

  3. Nikki there are no words, however I do feel your angst and can only say that you have joined women everywhere with what you are going through… Our society has us programmed to be superwoman all the time and it is not physically or mentally possible… However if you keep the lines of communication open with your husband and can finally get into a groove with home and family and work and personal needs some of if not all of the stress will lessen… I honestly think you are stronger by “venting” the way you have with this post than you would be if you just let it all fester inside…
    Hang in there lady, life has some better moments in store for you at some point in the future!

  4. Oh dear Nikki, laughing through your tears. :):

    I know all about pleurisy and prescriptions from my own experiences as well. When you’re laying there trying to figure out how not to breathe because it just doesn’t seem worth it…you know you’re in a fix. The meds are great, wonderful, energizing…until you’re crying buckets and the sky is falling.
    As for the job and the mom and the childcare… I understand the chaos and disruption of routine, although mine lately is like a mild windstorm compared to the huricane that’s taken up residence over your head lately. (did you see my last blog post? Maybe you relate?)

    I have one bit of good news… Since there’s chaos in my life too, editing for me has been at an inconsistent snails pace… So I won’t be adding beta pressure to you too soon. 🙂 I know, not much help, but at least not more pressure.

    Hang in there Nikki, this too shall pass!

  5. That was a remarkably coherent post, so your brain knows what it’s doing still. 🙂

    I’m sorry you got handed such an awful bucket load of stress all at once. Just one of those things would be enough to be frazzled about, but all at one time is horrible. Definitely first on the list to take care of is your health – remember to take your meds!! Then point the hubs to this post, although he’s probably pretty aware that you’re stressed.

    On the babysitting front – the funny thing I’ve learned from watching other people’s kids (and having them watch mine) over the last zillion years is that as parents, we’re sure our kids are Devil Spawn and they’ll send their sitters running for the hills, but they’re usually not that bad. I was terrified of loosing my son on anyone, but when I did, I couldn’t believe everyone who told me what an angel he was. He had to have been a changeling.

    I won’t tell you it’ll work out tomorrow, but it will work out. Get yourself feeling better, whether it means a Buffy marathon or just five minutes of drooling over D.B. pics now and then. And cry for heaven’s sake, seriously. Crying’s good sometimes!

    1. Oh the hubs is aware, however that poor guy works 6 days a week that way it is. He hasn’t seen a weekend off in over 6 months. His shift rotates. So one month its days, then midnights, then afternoons. He works extremely hard for us. I love him lots.

  6. Oh lady! I’m sorry you’re stressing and now I feel horrible for sending you a book to review!! No worries on reading my stuff, get a good nights sleep and relax. Things will be better.

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