Why Canʼt I Write Erotica?
by Dee DeTarsio
I like titillating stuff as much as the next girl. If I write it, it makes me squirm, and not in
the good way. I am no femme fatale. My bra and underwear never match. Iʼm more
Vicks than vixen. The dirtiest thing I ever came up with was (insert deep throaty whisper
here), “kittttty litttter.”
I get why guys like boobs, I really do. I enjoy the thoughtfully shared Hump Day Hotties
via Ramblings From a Chaotic Mind. But try as I might, under my throbbing fingertips
(get it, Iʼm typing? See, I just sound foolish!) never the twain shall meet. Surely, I have
other skills, right? If imagination is the biggest aphrodisiac, count me turned on.
I know what youʼre thinking. Whatʼs not going on in her boudoir? Hey, now. The man oʼ
my dreams and I have our bedtime story all worked out; four times a week, twice on
birthdays, anniversaries, when in hotel rooms, San Diego Chargerʼs victories, full
moons, and first days of school; yes on phone sex, doesnʼt everyone? and of course, I
love giving blow jobs. We are such a passionate couple, nʼest-ce pas?
I once wore an apron to the pleasure palace, and arrived armed with a spatula. It made
him ravenous. Seriously, not only was it apparently not sexy that I showed up in our
bedroom looking like I was ready to pull buns from the oven, he didnʼt even notice other
than the fact that it reminded him he was hungry. He does pretend he canʼt hear me and
always asks me to repeat myself when, “I have to caulk the shower.”
Deeʼs debut novel, THE SCENT OF JADE,
is a finalist in the San Diego Book Awards
Association. She is offering 3 Amazon
kindle egifts of her new novel, THE
KITCHEN SHRINK…if your lifeʼs a mess
your house could probably use a
makeover, too. Readers donʼt need a
kindle to read–you can accept the gift via a
free kindle app for your computer or smart
After growing up in Ennui, Ohio, and
graduating from Ohio State
University, Dee vowed ‘never to be
cold again’ (in a tantrum more
worthy of Suellen than Scarlett) and
ended up in Tucson, Arizona,
producing the news for the CBS
affiliate, oddly enough called KOLDTV.
Dee moved to San Diego where
she worked in the SeaWorld
entertainment department as a
Producer/Writer. (Penguins are
mean!) She then became a Producer/
Writer with NBC for a live, comedy/
variety show. After working for
Children’s Hospital, Dee totally sold
out and became the Marketing Director of a cosmetic dermatology group where she got free
Botox. Her husband is a Director of Photography and travels around the world while she stays
behind as the indentured servant of their two children. Though her father was never famous and
her mother never beat her (that hard!) she suspects one of her sisters is a vampire.
Up next: Ros…Coming this summer! You are also invited to check out:
The Scent of Jade, a romantic romp through Costa Rica–with a blonde Juan, a monkey and a
‘Til Somebody Loves You, Romantic Comedy Quick-Pick A modern fairy-tale about a damsel in
distress who can save her own day!
Dee has graciously said she’d give away a e-copy of her latest book, The Kitchen Shrink to one random commenter. This is open to anyone who can be gifted from Amazon.com. I will leave the contest open until end of the day on 6/10 (Friday). To enter just leave a comment on this post and a way to get in touch with you if you win! GOOD LUCK!