In light of all the hype surrounding the 50 Shades Of Grey book, I thought I’d bring you this little diddy of a convo I had the other day with my grandma. Let me fill you in on the situation first. Grandma is in her 80’s and lives in the apt complex I manage. I frequently stop over in the morning for a few minutes before work to visit and make sure all is ok. I hear the same stories to the point where I could recite them in my sleep. She’s constantly forgetting things and from that, this conversation was born:
Grandma: I want to read that book I keep hearing about on tv.
Me: *racking my mind for infomercial books I may have seen. Cooking, cleaning, home remedies….* What book?
Grandma: 50 something….
Me: *chokes on coffee* No, you don’t want to read that Grandma, I promise.
Grandma: Why not? I like good books (Grandma hasn’t read a book in YEARS people..her eyes ain’t what they used to be)
Me: It’s just not your kind of book. There’s lot of sex and the author likes the f-word
Grandma: I’ve heard the word before you know. I know what it means.
Me: Yeah? Have you heard of BDSM?
Me: Bondage & Discipline, Sadism and Masochism
Grandma: I don’t know what those words mean so no…
Me: People who get off on getting spanked, cuffed, flogged…. *At this point I’m speaking directly into my coffee cup while looking anywhere other then my 80 something year old grandma. Did I mention my mom was there too, sitting across the table from my grandma clearly enjoying my torment? Well she was…yay me!*
Grandma: *blank stare* What?
Me: You know the movie Twilight?
Grandma: That vampire thing?
Me: Yes that vampire thing, well it’s those characters just instead of the guy being a vampire he is…a kinky sex fiend
Me: You won’t like it grandma, trust me.
Grandma: So whats the weather supposed to be like today? ………
At which point I took my leave and got the hell up out of that conversation. Here’s the thing though. The book won’t go away. It’s hanging around on tv like a bad case of herpes. You know what this means for me? My grandma will forget the conversation ever happened. She’ll see the damn thing on yet ANOTHER tv spot and then I will get to have the convo on people who liked their asses smacked with my grandmother again. So thank you, thank you 50 Shades Of Grey for the conversations you evoke from my grandmother.