It’s A Takeover…..

Ted_Bondage

Last October when I went to Ellora’s Cave Romanticon I met some pretty crazy ladies….Danica and Lea in  particular called me over and we spoke in very unhushed tones about sex and erotic romance. There was even a guy video taping part of it…oh yes. They asked me what I thought of a spoof erotic romance. I was instantly on board because really…who hasn’t thought “What the ever loving fuck” when you’re reading romances? Guys can’t come that many times. There isn’t really a dick that big. What if I randomly blurted out what goes through my head during sex? Which, of course, are never sexy thoughts. My husband doesn’t want to hear “What’s that squishy noise?” or “Look how my arm fat jiggles when I’m bouncing around”…. Apparently I am not alone. A group of erotic romance authors have come together for greatness of epic proportions. Fondled and Gobbled was born! I wanted to interview the ladies behind these books….below is the mass craziness that results from trying to talk to them all at once. It’s not pretty. It’s downright hilarious.

someonehadtodoit_msrFondled and Gobbled: Someone Had To Do It
http://www.ellorascave.com/fondled-and-gobbled-someone-had-to-do-it.html

The perfect man—with the imperfect cock and oral skills. The Dom who isn’t a dom, and the man who proves it to him. The alien with dessert-flavored semen and three cocks. The older man (a kajillionaire with a penthouse in Seattle…) who has limitless ability to come all night with his naïve little virgin. A woman on a diet who craves a feast of meat and finds herself five Broadshaft Brothers who can deliver.

If you’re looking for the perfect romance with the perfect hero and heroine, this isn’t it! This is a series of spoofs, parodies, just-for-fun lighthearted take-offs. It’s for all us longtime, hard-core romance readers who can laugh at the clichés, purple prose and “suspend your disbelief” plot devices that haunt our beloved favorite genre.

Fondled and Gobbled: Going Back for Secondsgoingbackforseconds_msr
http://www.ellorascave.com/fondled-and-gobbled-going-back-for-seconds.html

The virgin whose carefully planned hymen removal doesn’t work out the way all the romance novels told her it would. A busty broad doing what she can to get over her penis anxiety—assisted by a cadre of male strippers. A not-so-bright (and not so “big”) alien who comes to claim his life mate, and the Earth girl who wants to be claimed at all costs. A cursed, mute shapeshifter who needs to pop his cherry with his unsuspecting fated mate.

If you’re looking for the perfect romance with the perfect hero and heroine, this isn’t it! This is a series of spoofs, parodies, just-for-fun lighthearted take-offs. It’s for all us longtime, hard-core romance readers who can laugh at the clichés, purple prose and “suspend your disbelief” plot devices that haunt our beloved favorite genre.

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Group Interview Chat for Ramblings of a Chaotic Mind

Nikki: “Ok, so tell me…who’s idea was this really?”

Danica A: I’m totally pointing stabby fingers at Lea

Anya B: NOT MINE! *hides*

Lea B: *raises hand* that would be me… but it didn’t take long for others to chime in. LOL

Griffin C: Cant remember. But I think Lea

Amy R: Cristal roped me in, but I believe she said it was Lea.

Anya B: The cray-cray was contagious

Danica Avet
Danica Avet

Danica A: And I wasn’t even drinking when it happened originally, so yeah…It’s Geeky’s fault

Cassandra C: Yeah Lea is the culprit, wait, mastermind behind the project.

Lea B: I think it took the words… wouldn’t it be cool if… and we were running.

Griffin C: We all fueled the insanity

Anya B: Cristal roped me in too

Danica A: Then there was talk about rolls and froggie styles on the floor in the bar

Lea B: Drinks were definitely involved LOL And the Oklahoma, and froggie…

Griffin C: oh yes!

Amy R: Froggie styles? 0_o

Anya B: Yeah, I remember hearing that and realizing I needed IN

Cara C: LOL!!!

Lea B: Both of which are from Griffin

Griffin C: I’m limber

Sasha D: *falls over*

Danica A: She is

Lea B: We were talking about how its Griffin’s fault that we’re together!

Anya B: WAIT, wasn’t it your fault? Now you’re blaming Griff??

Griffin C: Dont blame me!

Sasha D: actually it’s Lea’s fault we were all going a lil capt insano crazy after the con and the drinks and Lea was the one who tried to band us together and make sense

Piper T: I thought the idea was a little…screwy (no pun intended) when I was approached. The group sent Lea to lure me in…i.e. we’re not crazy! It’s nice in here…. You should totally come an play… The rest of the group was like the insane aunt hidden in the closet. But it was too late for me by then…

Cassandra Carr
Cassandra Carr

Griffin C: Wait. Wasn’t Danica the narrator?

Danica A: I didn’t do anything illegal!

Danica A: Did I?

Cara C: Yeah Danica was the voice for the app.

Griffin C: And I was the visual. We made a good team.

Lea B: OMG the app! LOL I forgot about the voice.

Sasha: *stares off into space* Next year we’re selling tickets

Piper T: but my “creative” side is very rebellious, so it starts working in the background, the gears turning, “could it be done? What would be funny and hot too??” At some point before I turned down the offer my brain had already written the story

Danica A: and we get Nick to stand there with his trophy in a lewd, not nude pose

Danica A: unless he really wants to be nude

Lea B: ROFL Nick and that trophy!

Lea B: Okay, so it was in THAT environment that this whole thing was born!

Nikki: With “the book that shall not be named” rise over this past year, what do you think is the future for a genre that previously sold well already, but more low-key?

Anya B: Ladies will start sinking their teeth into the real stuff, and the men will run scared.

Amy R: A question that makes me think. *brain melts*

Griffin C: I think more people are talking about it so I expect more break out sales

Anya Richards
Anya Richards

Cassandra C: Geez. That sounds like a serious question. Do we “do” those kind of questions?

Sasha D: I think we’re entering the Golden Age of Smut and I like it

Lea B: Ugh… can I just mutter about the book?!

Sasha D: I think there’s very little we won’t do Cass

Anya B: I won’t go there, Lea. I just won’t

Cassandra C: This is a good point Sasha.

Amy R: I’ve been with EC since 2007, I see an uptake in recognition.

Lea B: I don’t want to, and I will admit in this company that I haven’t even finished reading the first book.

Amy R: I’ve never read it.

Cassandra C: Okay, if you want me to be serious. I *hope* it will bring in more readers but honestly I’m not sure it will.

Amy R: I have no desire to read “it” …like ever.

Piper Trace
Piper Trace

Anya B: Me neither. My sensibilities were shocked, and it had nothing to do with the sex

Cassandra C: I read all three and my brain still hurts.

Danica A: honestly, as much as I hate bandwagon stuff, I’m all for things that will sell my books…even though there’s barely any nasty naughty stuff going on at all. It’s almost inspirational even

Anya B: I was so damned hurt that THAT was the erotic romance breakout book.

Griffin C: Inspirational LOL

Anya B: I mean, freakin’ stab me through the heart, why not? Cassandra Yeah the total crap is what sold our genre. Excellent.

Piper T: I think 50 shades will bring kink a bit more into the mainstream. In much the same way that Katy Perry’s “I Kissed a Girl” song made me immediately go out to a club and French kiss a girl. But only because the song was so catchy and upbeat. The catchiness & upbeatness made me feel like kissing girls was suddenly something I could talk about at work and at Christmas dinner.

Anya B: OMG I want to have Piper’s babies

Amy R: LMAO

Piper T: I’m working hard, bitches!!!! Did anyone get the subtle answer to the question hidden in my answer, PLUS that I was kidding about kissing a girl??

Amy Ruttan
Amy Ruttan

Piper T: not that I wouldn’t

Piper T: I just didn’t

Lea B: I think Piper should just answer all the questions and we can chime in with DITTO

Nikki : What can I expect in these two books?

Cassandra C: Caramel-flavored cum?

Amy R: Scooby Doo talking, werewolf lovin’

Cassandra C: A forty-eight-year-old dude who can shoot a dozen times and still want more?

Lea B: Triple cocks

Griffin C: Spaceships, aliens and life mates

Sasha D: hilarity w/ a side of smexy

Griffin C: Little dicks too

Danica A: It’s the epic story of a girl searching for her cookie…and not getting it until she brings out Hoss

Sasha D: or in a word…. Fraken-Vag

Lea B: Side busting smut

Amy R: Helicopter cocks, right @Anya 😉

Cassandra: : Definitely hilarity. Freaking tons of hilarity. Wanted to swear there but I held back.

Anya B: Subs that D om and doms that Sub

Griffin C: Yellow teeth and red eye aliens without a lick of sense

Danica A: Which (Hosss) is a sex toy, by the way. And a cookie is an orgasm. For those of you not in the know

Anya B: The report of helicopter cocks has been greatly exaggerated

Cristal Ryder
Cristal Ryder

Amy R: *whappah, whappah, whappah*

Cassandra C: “Come to the dark side, we have cookies! Which are apparently orgasms.”

Danica A: And everyone wants orgasms

Cassandra C: And cookies.

Danica A: (has the shirt…not the orgasms one, but the other one)

Lea B: I’m laughing so hard I can’t type.

Griffin C: What question are we answering?

Nikki: Which one of you is the craziest…point some fingers ladies

Piper T: 😉

Danica A: Griffin.

Anya B: PIPER!

Danica A: Piper

Amy R: Piper

Anya B: WAIT…DANICA

Griffin C: I say Piper is bat crazy

Lea B: Right now?! It’s a toss up… but most of the time I’d tag Piper with that!

Danica A: Uh no, I’m the tour guide in the nut house

Cassandra: Only one of us can be the craziest? Eesh. I’m going with Griffin. I have no idea why though.

Sasha D: Griff

Lea B: Or Griff

Sasha Devlin
Sasha Devlin

Amy R: All of us?

Piper T: what??

Lea B: Or, maybe Danica

Griffin C: Lea do you remember when we first met Piper?

Danica A: I have THE VOICE for it

Piper T: I am batSHIT CRAZY!!

Anya B: (anyone but me. I’m a sober, sane influence on the group. Or I TRY to be)

Lea B: Piper you’re the craziest!

Griffin C: She sat her computer down next to us and said “You bitches watch my computer with your lives!”

Piper T: I hope you understand why I don’t do drugs or drink hard liquor. Because this is how I

am sober.

Lea B: Griff- Holy Hell I forgot about that!

Griffin C: And then she walked away and stayed gone for about an hour

Lea B: Piper wanted to write with us but needed something other than the diapers in her purse.

Piper T: HAHAHa you guys were great computer watchers

Griffin C: LOL. We just said “OK”

Piper T: oh yeah! “watch my computer, I’ll be right back” *……1 hour later……*

Danica A: But then…I read Anya’s story and realized she’s a freak. Then read Cara’s story and realized she’s a freak. Then there’s Amy who’s all into redneck duck hunters *sad smile*

A.M. Griffin
A.M. Griffin

Griffin C: So I want to bring up here that Danica thought I was famous. Dont edit this out!!

Lea B: LOL @ Griff

Piper T: You guys were so sweet. I remember being struck by how sweet you were for moving my computer with you when you moved.

Griffin C: And it made me happy

Piper T: awwwww

Danica A: I did!

Lea B: We all thought you were famous… it was the sexy undies!

Piper T: and I had to go replenish my swag (I think that’s what I went to do)

Piper T: but as you’ve figured out…I’m easily distracted

Danica A: I thought Griffin was someone I should have known…and then she did an impression and talked about Oklahoma (not the state) and I realized this bitch was cray cray

Griffin C: I tried to act famous after that. All good and shit

Amy R: OMG. I LOVE that musical

Danica A: Swigging wine at the dinner table from a canteen

Sasha D: not that kind of Oklahoma Ames

Amy R: Dang.

Nikki: Any other shenanigans brewing with you ladies writing together again?

Anya B: Oy vey, when will it end is the right question…

Cassandra C: Other than volumes 3-2,184? Nah.

Sasha D: Let’s go w/ Cass’ answer

Danica A: really, there’s way too much insanity in the world for us NOT to make fun of

Amy R: Ditto @Danica

Cassandra : We have material for decades. Centuries.

Anya B: AND if we don’t do it in our loving way, someone else will in a less loving way, and then I’ll have to kill them

Danica A: I mean, hello…did we not just have a discussion about Amish spoofs???

Amy R: Rub me in jam and lick me clean on top of my quilt

Danica A: ROFL @ Amy

Anya B: Shenanigans is one of my favorite words. We (da family) decided that the cops here should have a law called “creating shenanigans” that they could hassle the kids with

Lea Barrymire
Lea Barrymire

Lea B: Other than the next 3 volumes of F&G? Oh, I’m sure there will be shenanigans aplenty!

Piper T: you mean other books? or just shenanigans? because there’s not enough time for all our shenanigans

Piper T: in fact I think this group is 15% work and 85% shenanigans

Cara C: Just wait til we have the blowup dolls @ RomantiCon13

Anya B: As much as 15%? That’s generous

Danica A: Oh yes, blow up dolls, tiaras…sashes

Sasha D: uh WHAT?

Lea B: And turkeys.. oh, my

Cassandra C: Low-cut shirts…

Danica A: We have T-shirts, thongs

Anya B: Jumping cocks

Lea B: AND THE APP!!!

Griffin C: I see a lot of shenanigans in our future. Why just the other day me and Danica were dancing and working out in the gym.

Cassandra C: I might bring a flask.

Cara C: Yes THE APP

Danica A: *gasp @ Griffin*

Lea B: LOL @Griff

Danica A: You weren’t supposed to SAY anything about that!

Griffin C: LOL. What? I’m proud of our high kicks

Piper T: I’m still lost…my answer is…Volumes 3 & 4?

Piper T: is that the right answer?

Piper T: Ooh! I’ll be appearing in Columbus soon!!!!

Griffin C: Oh!! Are you going to the sexapolooza Piper?

Cara Carnes
Cara Carnes

Piper T: some sex show….

Piper T: is that it?

Griffin C: I’ll be there with my street team. You are so hanging with us.

Piper T: I’m signing books from 10-midnight

Anya B: Be prepared to have your boots licked Piper!

Griffin C: Feb 1-3rd

Piper T: on Friday

Cassandra C: With the brand-new bus wrap.

Piper T: YAY! Griffin you’ll be there???

Griffin C: Yes Piper!

Cristal Ryder, also known as Honey Hotness was on the run from the bees buzzing around her. They all want her honey. So sadly she couldn’t be with us today.

honey dripping

****If you want more of this wonderful craziness…find all the ladies at  http://cabalofhotness.blogspot.com ****

23 Comments

  1. This is too funny. When you put our conversation down on paper we all appear to be a little touched. And not by angels.

  2. No, we don’t appear touched in the spiritual-going-straight-to-Heaven way. Pretty sure I didn’t change the letters, maybe the chatroom did? This is along the lines of me blaming the dog for turning off my alarm clock yesterday.

    And yes…there will be a deluge of insanity on this blog, Nikki. Sorry, darling!

  3. I think my initials might have changed because in the chatroom I’m Anya Bootay Hotness! Same with Griff…I just want to make sure no one thinks I’m pretending to be anything other than the insanity I already am 🙂 And we sure are a little scary en mass LOL!

  4. Wow. Yeah. We do sound pretty “special”. But I can’t argue with that assessment, so I’ll own it! *snaps fingers*

  5. OMG. This is an accurate microcosm of our email exchanges. They all look like this. If I’m the crazy one in THIS group, I’m not sure whether to be really embarrassed or really proud. That’s like being voted “Most Likely To Succeed” at the loony bin.

    Nikki I love you from way back, girl! Thanks for having us on!

  6. I remember the narration that Danica did! OMG!!!! We laughed so hard we had tears running down our faces. Did I say she did it with a straight face? She never cracked a smile. I’m sorry I missed the acting part.
    I can’t wait to read these stories the ladies are brewing.

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