Yeah you read that correctly, job #3. Last night Leah Stafford Photography had a grand opening party. There was a party, snacks and lots of alcohol. Starting next week I can be found in downtown Canton, Oh answering phones and setting up appointments for Leah and her associate Kristina. At some point I’m going to have to figure out how to actually work the computer because Leah will be going out-of-town at the end of next week and I will basically be on my own. *GULP* This is assuming my computer is up and running because there were issues with it this morning. I wouldn’t want to send her to Portland for a shoot that was in Chicago now would I? To be honest I’m a little overwhelmed right now but I have faith that the kinks will get ironed out quickly and I will know what I’m doing in no time. I’m generally a fast learner…or at least I like to think so. She mainly does two types of sessions. Weddings and boudoir. Yeah, that’s right…underwear pictures. Sexy, flirty and really fun. She is incredibly talented. When she asked me if I would serve as her office manager when she opened her studio I whole heartedly agreed. I mean really…how much fun! I can’t wait to see the business side up and running with my own eyes instead of just seeing the finished product.
Now, I’m sure your thinking I’ve lost my mind. How many jobs can one girl have? Your probably right. It is a lot to take on. I feel confident though that I can handle everything. Once school gets back in I will have a few extra hours a week as well. As it is now both my main jobs are very flexible. How many people can say that? I don’t really punch a time clock anywhere. Then my side cleaning jobs (3 of them) are all scheduled by me. I do keep them on the same days but if something came up I could move them with no problem. I feel very blessed to be able to work around my kids lives completely. I definitely could NOT say that when I was working in the retail world. When you were scheduled was when you better show up. I’ve seen many workers get fired for being late, pulling a no-call-no-show, or simply burning out. I feel lucky to not be confined by a managers schedule right now when my kids are so young.
My point in my rambling? Basically…if I do lose my mind and accidently send my friend Leah to the completely wrong state…I can always cop an insanity plea. 🙂
On July 3rd I missed an opportunity to meet one of my idols. Chalene Johnson was in Michigan that day and teaching a FREE class. Well, technically she was there but because of an injury her sister and best friend taught the class. Whatever, still I was upset that I couldn’t go. Michigan as a state is only 3 hours from me. However, Michigan is a rather LARGE state and she was at the northern end of it. It would have been a 7 1/2 hour drive and sadly I couldn’t swing it on my own. So I stayed home and wallowed in my own self pity most of the day. I knew that as soon as the class was over I’d log onto facebook and see all these pictures of all the fun I didn’t have. I was not looking forward to having to look at everyone elses fun. Selfish of me huh?
It took people longer then I expected to upload their pics, but when they did I noticed a common denominator. WOW, everyone looks AWESOME! Skinny and muscular and rocking their cute little workout outfits. I started thinking that maybe it was better that I didn’t get to go after all. The routine that day was most certainly TurboFire (which I do not own yet). So I would have had zero clue what was going on. Knowing me I would go the wrong direction and punch someone in the face by accident. Maybe take out the entire row with a wrongly placed kick to the side. I would have had to stand in the back based on the fact that I did not know the routines and being only a little over 5 foot that wouldn’t have worked very well I’m sure.
Then we look at the outfits. These chicks must have spent a good $75 on some of them. All showcasing these rock hard bodies they have worked so hard to acheive. I workout in a ratty t-shirt (because it covers ALL of me) and a pair of 4 yr old spandex I got on clearance at Kohl’s. I have 1 sports bra that matches nothing I own because it’s some horrid shade of blue that no one wanted…thus why it was on sale. I can’t afford the new dvds let alone a sweet workout wardrobe. THEN I see pictures that were taken AFTER the event. All sweaty and tired these girls were still smoking hot! You don’t understand, I look like death warmed over after a 50 min workout. I’m crawling across my floor to shut the dvd off, that’s if I can move at all. Sometimes I yell for the hubby to come pick me up. I literally lay in a puddle of sweat in the middle of my living room until I get enough energy back to move.
My self-esteem already sucks, so I’m thinking its a good thing I didn’t go put myself in a room with all these awesome ladies. Maybe it was a blessing in disguise? Someday I will be THAT girl. Rocking the front row, hitting the beats in time with the music and looking all fantastic while doing it. Right now though, I’m only a Turbo goddess in my own living room.
Since starting this blog I’ve had several people tell me I write exceptionally well. I think either these people have hit their head or they are reading someone elses blog thinking its mine. There are many reasons why I don’t really try to write anything more substantial than a blog among millions of other blogs. I have tried and failed and excepted this failure. Just writing this blog is proving to be difficult for me. Now, there are certain parts of a book I could certainly excel in writing. Chase scenes, murders and sex don’t make up an entire book. Well, a good one anyway. There has to be a story, a progression and an evolving of a character. Therein lies my problem. I can construct intricate scenes with gruesome detail and blood splashed up all over the wall. Ask me to get inside the sick and twisted mind of a serial killer, I’m your girl. I have at least 50 words to use for a certain part of the male anatomy. Writing sexy details I’m all for. I would flourish in the porn movie community. All the stuff in between? I can not do. I can see it, but I can’t put it into words. I leave that for the professionals, the dreamers, those with way more drive then me. I would be perfect as a beta reader. That is someone who gets to read a book and give input to the author way before it ever hits the book store shelves. That career though is generally unpaid. Not that there’s anything wrong with working for free, I do all the time. However, it can’t sustain me. I do that in my spare time for fun. One of my dreams is to go back to college and when I do, an editing career might be my choice. That is years off though. I do not have the time nor the money to do anything right now. I also do not mind playing second fiddle to someone elses dream. That might bother another person to always be in the shadow of greatness. It doesn’t phase me at all. I know there are many exceptional people behind every celebrity, best-selling author or musician. Their dream may be to achieve their own version of greatness, but mine is to help them get there. So to all those folks that keep telling me to write….I say to them….you write it, and I will edit it, change it and flip things around. THAT is what I’m good at.
Evening bloggers. It’s been a few days, I apologize. I’m gonna let you in on another one of my dirty little secrets. I’m not quite all there. Yes, you read that correctly. I just said I’m a little crazy. No, I don’t hear voices or go all mommy dearest on my kids. I’m pretty sure however this shouldn’t be news to anyone. I mean, honestly, who could be totally sane with as many jobs as I have, 2 kids, 2 dogs, 2 cats, 4 frogs and a husband?
Here is something you may not know though. I have suffered from small bouts of depression and panic attacks for years. They sneak up on me at the most inopportune times and catch me by surprise. Sometimes these episodes can last a few hours, a few days and at my very worst, almost a entire year. Since having kids 8 yrs ago, I have been much better. Only slipping into a episode occasionally. I can go months with nothing at all. This week I suffered a tiny relapse. I think it mainly has to do with the fact that my current workout schedule is ending and I’m not sure what to do next. I know what I want to do, but thats totally different from what I can do. I mentioned before that I have lost 22 lbs doing ChaLean Extreme. My goal now is to afford a new program called TurboFire, so that I can loose another 20-25 pounds. Cardio is my love. This new program is extremely intense and my body craves the outlet. My mind craves it just as much. While I loved doing ChaLean Extreme, I want new cardio. I’m bored with what I’ve been using for 4 yrs. I will continue on with my weights added in once I can afford this program.
I truly believe that if I hadn’t been working out, this latest bout of depression would have been so much worse. I’m a much more positive person overall when I’m working out and healthy. I am my own worst enemy. There are days I don’t workout, and I beat myself up. There are days I don’t eat so well, and I beat myself up. I have gotten better about this over the past 4 months, but there are times I still slip up. I’m human. This is even more true when Im having a “episode”. I know to reach my ultimate goal I’ve got to get even better though. My internal voice and self image need to shape up or ship out. Funny how saying and doing are so different.
Most people don’t even know I have these episodes at all. I’m very selective on who I let into this craziness I call my mind. I don’t confide in just anyone. Because of this, I don’t have a ton of “true” friends. So people may read this and think that I really am crazy because they have never noticed anything. I’m good at playing the role. I want to publically thank those that know and listen to me though. You know who you are. With you by my side, I know I can do anything. As soon as I can get it together, I will get my new program and rock it out! I want this weight GONE. My spirit isn’t broken. My mind will just have to catch up! I’ve made it this far…there is no turning back now…..
I came home from work today and stared at a cobweb. Literally. It was in the kitchen laughing at me until Bill left for work. I then pulled out a step stool to reach the furthest corner and rid myself of this household menace. While teetering precariously on the step stool I glanced to the left and noticed that the top of my cabinets were kinda dusty. Well, now that I had seen the dust it had to be cleaned or else the thought of the dusty cabinets would keep me up at night…I’m not joking. So I poured myself a bucket of Murphy’s Oil Soap and went about cleaning the tops. But why stop there? So I cleaned the front of all the cabinets. Then I thought “the woodwork needs done”. So I set about cleaning all the woodwork on my main floor. I worked my way slowly to the bottom of the stairs and looked at the walls. Dirty little finger prints all over the place…so up the stairs I went with my rag and Murphy’s. Got to the top of the stairs and thought that I might as well do the woodwork upstairs. 40 minutes later Im staring at a dusty WALL. How the hell does a wall get dusty? Don’t ask me, I have no clue. I ended up wiping most of the walls down in my sons room. Even his curtains had to come down and be thrown in the wash. As I was once again preforming a balancing act on my stepstool to get the curtains, I noticed his ceiling fan was dirty…so I not only wiped that one down, but the two others upstairs too. Then of course it has to be vacuumed…and while I had that out I went ahead and did the main floor too. Even though I had just swept maybe two hours prior. What? There were footprints in the carpet! It had to be done. While vacuuming I thought I should probably mop the kitchen and bathroom while I was cleaning. I mean, why wait when I’ve got most of the stuff out already. So that came next after I put the curtains in the dryer. I went to start dinner but got distracted by some dirt inside the cabinet I was getting rice from. So everything got pulled out and the shelf got wiped down. I did get our chicken dinner in the oven finally. Only after the boy came down grumbling about being hungry. Yeah, yeah, I’ve been trying to get dinner on for two hours now! ONE COBWEB……
This is the story of my life. This happens all the time. My husband likes to tell me that I have a undiagnosed case of OCD. He’s probably right. We won’t tell him that though. I don’t like tipping the balance of power. I never admit that he’s correct unless there is no way to get around it. He gloats.
The moral of the story? Maybe being blind wouldn’t be so bad. At least then one cobweb wouldn’t occupy my life for two hours…..
Evening blogging world!
Today semi-job #2 took a flying leap towards success! Your wondering what semi-job #2 is right? Well settle in kiddies and let me tell you a tale of ambition, love, and all consuming dedication…….
Years ago a young, beautiful woman met a strapping young man and they fell in love. They married in front of their church, family and friends and started a wonderful life together. Soon there were kids and their life was hectic. Nothing ever seemed to get done and yet everyone needed something. Mommy needed a escape and found the movie “Twilight”. She became obssessed and constantly thought “If Stephenie Meyer can write a worldwide sensation, well then so can I!” So she set to work creating her masterpiece. She wrote day and night with kids crawling on the laptop and a constant stream of coffee in her veins. She didn’t sleep….ever. She churned out pages and pages of work on several different stories. Nothing could stop her now! Except at every turn she got no’s. “No, I don’t think this is a fit.” “Not my cup of tea” “Hopefully you find the right person, it’s just not me”. Over and over until anyone else would have thrown in the towel, hung their head, and went back to just being a mommy. Oh, no, not her! She kept writing everyday and she kept sending those letters. Every once in awhile someone would ask to see more and she would get her hopes up only to be let down again. Then, today, after a year of this being “just a hobby”, came the email of a lifetime….”I LOVE YOUR BOOK”. Pretty sure the girl blacked out for a moment after reading those four words. When she stopped hyperventilating she read that this agent was very interested and while she couldn’t promise anything, she would be talking it over with her fellow editors and hopefully getting back to her to sign for representation! This is it! This is the break! I know it! After all those sleepless nights, all those pots of coffee…it has come to this point. So tonight, I say alittle prayer that these “fellow editors” see the promise that I do with this writing. Good luck to one of my best friends, (and married to my cousin) Julie!
WHAT? You didn’t think this was about me did you? Have you been reading? I said I couldn’t write. I meant it. I however, have been editing these little masterpeices for Julie since the beginning. So you could say Im “invested”. I have spent HOURS pouring over them, asking questions, fixing broken sentences, and enjoying every minute of it! There were probably times she wanted to throttle me for changing things she had wrote, but she never showed it. So, here lies semi-job #2. Its not for pay, and its not for me, but thats what makes it special. I feel privledged to be able to help her on her journey to publication. I may have lost a little sleep in the process, but when I see her book on the shelf at Borders, it will all be worth it……..
Heres a link to her blog:
So this is my second day in the blogging world. I wish I could tell you how excited I am….Im not. In fact, Im damn tired. Wanna know why? SUUUUURE you do, don’t lie. My day started at 7am without coffee because I was running late. If you knew me, you’d be gasping right now, trust me. But I managed to get myself together and out the door to work at job #1. Oh, job #1 is my cleaning job. I clean hallways and vacant apts at a complex near my house. My mom is also the office manager. She likes to say that makes her my boss…I disagree. Anyways today the Ohio weather was HUMID. Which meant that 5 minutes after starting a hallway I was dripping in sweat. Attractive Im sure. It was no less then 100 degrees…I mean would it kill them to a/c the hallways??
After 3 hours I came home and did a 45 min weight workout. Im doing ChaLean Extreme. Ive lost 22 lbs (you can clap at that, I like it)….BUT my snarky wii fit says I still need to loose 20 lbs to be considered “normal”. Lets be honest, no amount of weightloss is gonna make me normal. And does the wii fit really think its doing you a favor by making your lttle mii avatar all fat? I don’t like looking at the REAL me all fat, why in the world should it make the pretend me fat too? Talk about a self esteem killer.
Later in the afternoon a friend came over for a “playdate”. The playdate was really for us. Its nice that she has a son though that gets along with my son. But even if they didnt they could tolerate each other for a hour while we have some adult time. Its really the least they can do since we birthed them. Of course the girl was whiney b/c they are boys and want to do “boy things”. Doesn’t matter that she had her own playdate just the other day that was a birthday party and then a lingering around of the mommies after the party.
So now Im sitting here really wanting to go rip into the brand new knock off, double stuff Oreos I bought (dont knock them, they rule)….MUST. NOT. CONSUME. ENTIRE. PACK……. but at 230 calories for two, I try not to eat them in large quanities. I said try……
While Im sitting here writing my blog and watching the news I see my towns name flash up on the screen. Yep, Donald Duck got arrested in Massillon, Ohio. No, not the lovable Disney character…some stoner named DONALD DUCK. Apparently hes a ‘frequent flyer” (insert laugh track here) in the town for drunk driving, driving without a license, and driving under the influence. He got pulled over in the Little Ceasers Pizza drive through and when asked to step out of his car a bag of weed fell out. Really Donald? Really? Good grief….I need to move. Next thing you know, Minnie Mouse will get arrested for prostitution…….
Elisabeth Naughton’s new book in her Eternal Guardians series is coming out soon. I find her to have a fresh voice and Im totally looking forward to this read. Once it comes out I plan on writing my thoughts here…though Im sure I could just tell you now how much I love it! Once I acclimate to this new blogging world I will write up a short something about her first book in the series “Marked”. I will wet your appetite now with one word….HOT.
So, I joined the ranks of the blogging people. Not by choice mind you, merely because in order for me to write (ie stalk) on my favorite authors blogs I had to sign up for one of several sites. LiveJournal was lucky enough to be first on the list of sites that I had no idea what they were. So here I am. I must say, this is a first for me. Don’t get me wrong, I am opinionated and loud and everyone knows my feelings…BUT…I do not write. Oh, I try, but Im not very good. So I will apologize in advance to anyone reading this mess that I will be calling my “blog”. I have no idea what I will be writing about or how often. I figure my life isnt really all that interesting. Im a wife and a mother of two living in Northeastern Ohio. I mean really….OHIO…can’t get much duller then that right? We don’t have hurricanes, sand storms, earthquakes (ok, not that often) and there is really no place for a oil spill here. We have tornados and thunder…thats it. No majestic mountains or beautiful pristine beaches. Even our local sports teams are horrible. So whats there to write about? I figure I will find something to amuse you. I plan on spilling all my secrets, reviewing the books Im currently reading (and there are a lot), talking about various jobs I do and ranting and raving about whatever I choose. Stick around my friends…this should be a fun ride! 🙂